


Not particularly keen (on letting you go)

by lilraven



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: F/F, a tiny bit of fluff and even tinier angst, blame those two angels, oops i did another one, so uhh flangst?, this is gonna be a series now don't blame me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-09-11
Packaged: 2019-04-13 20:23:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14120070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilraven/pseuds/lilraven
Summary: (A short follow-up to the episode on March 27. Because I love it when they are all cute and domestic and feelsy.) This is probably going to be an ongoing series. One shots that serve as fillers for the stuff we don't get to see onscreen. Mostly fluff, because much like Charity Dingle I am a secret softie.





	1. Chapter 1

The sparkling wine is starting a slow buzz in Charity’s brain as she flicks the tv on, handing another glass to Vanessa before curling up next to her on the couch. After helping Debbie unpack for a bit, they’d snuck back to the Woolpack, the pub suddenly empty with the absence of Debbie and the kids. It’s late enough that Chas has gone, likely spending the night at Paddy’s, and Charity is glad of the rare moment of silence. She pulls Vanessa closer and takes a sip of the bubbly, her free hand drawing an idle pattern along the woman’s shoulder. Vanessa shifts a bit, but doesn’t move away, looking up at Charity who’s eyes are deliberately fixed on the screen, staring blindly at a nature documentary that’s really there just to distract. But of course Vanessa can see right through it, as she does with most things. Charity isn’t quite sure how or when she let this happen, this Vanessa knowing her business. Vanessa gazes at her for a bit longer, but when Charity refuses to budge, she huffs and sits up a bit straighter beside her, turning fully towards Charity.

“You want to tell me what today was really about?”

Charity shrugs, really too tired and wined-up to put up a proper fight. She turns and places her glass on the side table, but doesn’t say a word. Won’t.

“Charity.” Vanessa’s voice is soft, pleading. Nothing like earlier, and Charity caves, too easily for her own liking, but when has this thing between them ever been under her control.

“I panicked, okay?” She twists her fingers in her lap, not daring to look at Vanessa, because she doesn’t know how she’ll react to whatever she finds in the eyes searching hers. “I thought you wanted to end it.”

“Why would you think that?” Vanessa slips her hand onto Charity’s, and she lets her untangle her hands, and sandwich her own between them. Warm, secure.

“It’s what people do,” Charity shrugs again, “people think I’m too much, or too little. They get sick of me, and then they leave, okay? I get it. I’m not easy to – be with.”

“So you thought you’d run away before I had the chance to?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

Charity feels Vanessa lean closer, soft lips pressing against her cheek, and she finally chances a look. Vanesssa’s eyes show no trace of resentment, or fear, and Charity doesn’t know how to cope with it. She doesn’t understand how there’s only endless trust there, endless kindness.

“I’m not running away, okay? I don’t want to be anywhere but here, Charity, and I’m sorry if I made you doubt that.”

Charity swallows hard, blinking away tears that are threatening to spill. She squeezes Vanesa’s hand in her lap, and tries for a smile. When she finds her voice it’s barely a whisper, but the message, she thinks, is strong and clear.

“Good. Because I don’t want you to go. And I don’t just mean tonight.”

“Cheeky,” Vanessa hums, pressing her smiling mouth onto Charity’s for a chaste kiss, dragging a content sigh from her lips.

“I could get used to this.”

“Aren’t you already?”

Charity hums again, pulling Vanessa into her lap as they go back to watching baby turtles on their first swim in the ocean. Maybe she is.


	2. Close your eyes (until you can imagine this place)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, looks like this after-episode drabble might be becoming a habit. I'm not making any promises, but there might be more later on if the muses strike! This one's set after the cute moustache scene on March 29.

"How's this?" Charity pulls up a particularly skimpy and bright red tank top from the pile of clothes scattered over Vanessa's bed, waving the fabric in the air between them like a matador at a bullfight and wiggling her eyebrows at her decidedly unimpressed girlfriend.

 

"Make an unforgettable first impression and all that, eh?"

 

Vanessa grabs the shirt mid-swing, and fixes Charity with a glare that would be scary if Vanessa didn't resemble a five-year-old having a temper tantrum even at her feistiest.

 

"Not helping," Vanessa points a finger at her and Charity's smirk turns into a mock-pout, earning her a jumble of red fabric square in the face.

 

"Oi!"

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes at the indignant look on Charity's face and turns back to ransack through the endless skirts and blouses she's gone through what must be a hundred times by now.

 

"Ugh! I've nothing to wear," she whines, throwing the suit jacket she was sizing up a second ago back onto the bed with a groan before plopping down on top of the heap of clothes and huffing in defeat. Charity raises her eyebrows, unable to hide her smirk at the sight of her slightly drunk, very upset, and very, very endearing girlfriend.

 

"Babe," she says in her softest voice, placing her hand on Vanessa's shoulder and stepping closer. Vanessa looks up at her, and Charity can't help but giggle a bit at the serious look on her face. A jab into her side sobers her quick enough, and she clears her throat, looking for the right words.

 

"Look, it doesn't matter what you wear, babe. You're smart, and beautiful, and absolutely capable of this, okay? It's what's in here," she runs her fingers along Vanessa's temple, "that matters, right? And you've got it."

 

Vanessa leans into her side, wrapping an arm around Charity's thighs and closing her eyes on a deep sigh. Charity ruffles her hair, and then steps around her to pull out a blue pantsuit and a matching shirt from the pile, holding them out to Vanessa.

 

"This. You look beautiful in blue." The smile on Vanessa's face makes her stomach flip, and she has to catch herself before more truths fall from her lips. Truths she's not really ready to let out, not yet.

 

"Thanks," Vanessa takes the clothes and gets up to fold them into the small suitcase at the end of the bed.

 

"And I'm sorry, you know. For being a nightmare all week, and taking it all out on you when it's not your fault."

 

"Well, some might beg to differ on that," Charity drawls as Vanessa closes the suitcase and steps into her arms, hands resting lazily on her hips, sleepy eyes searching Charity's.

 

"You know what I mean. I'm sorry for being a moody cow, when you've," Vanessa's head tilts to the side, as if not quite believing her own words, "you've actually been really good about it."

 

"Always the tone of surprise."

 

Vanessa bites her bottom lip on a smile, and presses a quick kiss on Charity's chin.

 

"Sorry. For all of it."

 

"'S'all right," Charity mumbles, her lips grazing Vanessa's forehead, "Next week, I'll be the crazy one."

 

They both laugh, and it strikes Charity again. The ease of it all. The way Vanessa fits against her body, the way they can laugh about almost anything, even if sometimes Charity has to work for it a bit harder. The truth teeters on her lips again, but it's not the time, not when Vanessa is tired and worried and already not going to get enough sleep as it is. Charity can wait another day or two. She brushes another kiss on Vanessa's forehead and pushes her towards the door.

 

"Go wash up, and we'll get you to bed, yeah? I'll take care of this," she twirls her hand at the mess of clothes that’s taken over Vanessa's bed and most of the floor.

 

Vanessa's whole face lights up, and Charity briefly forgets that she's tired as well, because the smile on Vanessa's face is enough to melt a few icebergs at least, and honestly it's more than worth putting away a pile of clothes. Vanessa pulls her in for a gentle kiss, lips moving slowly against Charity's until she lets out a little moan, her hands sinking into Vanessa's hair unbidden. When Vanessa pulls back, she nudges her nose against Charity's, her breath puffing softly against Charity's lips.

 

"I— uhh," Vanessa's eyes go wide, as though her brain only caught up with her just in time, and Charity lets her off the hook, nudging her towards the door.

 

"Go on."

 

Vanessa smirks, her cheeks burning red as she stumbles out the door. When it clicks shut behind her, Charity lets out a long breath and turns to the pile of clothes waiting for her.

 

"Right then."

 

* * *

 

 

When Vanessa gets back, wrapped in a fluffy robe and her hair piled into a messy bun at the top of her head, Charity’s got the room back to its usual state. She’s just slipping into a pair of Vanessa’s pyjamas she’s been using whenever she sleeps over, when she hears Vanessa’s surprised tone from behind her.

 

“You’re staying?”

 

“Yeah,” Charity twirls around, looking at Vanessa like she’s being daft, “course I am. Unless you don’t want me to?”

 

“No! I, uhh, I just have an early morning, and I thought – I mean, you probably won’t even be awake when I have to leave.”

 

“Doesn’t matter,” Charity shrugs. She walks over to Vanessa, and circles her so that her body is pressed against Vanessa’s back, her hands on her hips, guiding her to her side of the bed. She kisses the back of Vanessa’s neck, hands squeezing her hips before she rounds the bed to her own side. She clicks off the bedside lamp and snuggles into Vanessa’s back, her whole body curling protectively around the tiny vet.

 

“Oh, so now you’re the big spoon,” Vanessa’s teasing whisper floats into the darkness and Charity huffs out a small laugh.

 

“I’ll make an exception this once. Now sleep, you.”


	3. Some days like rain on the doorstep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charity is not a big fan of her girlfriend running away and getting wasted when she's upset. Post-episode drabble for March 30.

“All right. That’s quite enough of that, yeah?”

Charity pries the half-empty wine bottle out of Vanessa’s grip, and rummages through the couch, finally finding the top under the cushions and screwing it back on. She’s dragged herself over to Tug Ghyll after closing the pub, and she’s getting rather tired of this whole charade. Vanessa pouts, crossing her arms across her chest, tear-filled eyes refusing to look up at Charity. If she weren’t so tired, she’d probably be amused by the petulant look that makes Vanessa look like she’s just had her favourite toy taken away.

 

“Babe,” Charity lets out a long sigh, letting the bottle drop to the couch and plopping herself down beside Vanessa. She leans over in front of Vanessa, dangling over the couch until her eyes finally catch Vanessa’s and she’s just about to topple over.

 

“Hey.”

 

Vanessa rolls her eyes, but a small smile creeps to her face when Charity rests her hand on her thigh and squeezes softly.

 

“How about we stop with this running away with bottles of wine business before it becomes a habit, yeah babe?” Charity’s voice is soft, but her raised eyebrows are enough to make the tops of Vanessa’s cheeks burn, and she grimaces through her tears.

 

“Yeah, okay,” Vanessa mumbles, wiping at her eyes with the blanket she’s wrapped up in.

 

For a moment they just sit there, Charity’s thumb slowly stroking Vanessa’s thigh as they both stare at it, looking for words. Charity swallows the first ones that float around her brain, and the next as well. She wants to put it right, but a joke, or a fake moustache won’t erase the fact that Vanessa’s been suspended. Won’t soothe the pain she can see shining in Vanessa’s eyes, a sadness she doesn’t know how to navigate through.

 

“Look, babe. Whatever happens, we’ll figure something out, okay?”

 

“We?” Vanessa sniffles a bit, her eyes widening before she catches herself and forces her face back into a scowl. “I don’t need my hand held, Charity, I’m a big girl.”

 

“Well tell that to your face, because it begs to differ.”

 

Vanessa huffs out a mirthless laugh and leans into Charity’s side, pressing her wet face into the crook of Charity’s neck.

 

“What am I supposed to do?” The way Vanessa’s voice cracks makes Charity’s chest ache, and she wraps an arm around Vanessa, brushing a soft kiss on her temple.

 

“I don’t know babe, we’ll figure it out tomorrow.”

 

“And what about tonight?”

 

Charity smiles, pulling her cell phone out of her pocket and flicking through it until she finds what she’s looking for.

 

“Tonight, I think we should dance.”

 

Charity hits play, and as a slow jazz song starts playing, she drags Vanessa up with her and twirls her around twice, before pulling her into a tight embrace. As they sway along to the music, Charity hums along in Vanessa’s ear and she can feel the woman start to relax in her arms.

 

“Better?” Charity whispers into golden hair, and she feels Vanessa’s body press even closer, her lips spreading into a smile against Charity’s neck.

  
“A bit.”


	4. Leave it up to the night (she knows you disappear sometimes)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A follow-up to the episode of the trial (September 11th). Because my heart can't bear Charity Dingle getting drunk and crying alone.

It’s past midnight when Vanessa slips back into the Woolpack, her and Tracy having finally settled Johnny down and gotten most of the mess from his birthday tea cleared. The pub is pitch black as she tiptoes her way across it and into the back room, which she finds surprisingly dark as well. It isn’t hard to spot Charity though, as she’s bathed in a sliver of moonlight that bleeds onto her lone figure hunched in the middle of the living room floor. She’s facing the opposite wall, but Vanessa can tell she’s crying by the way her back trembles with every breath she takes. She rounds the couch without a sound, kneeling beside Charity, but quickly shifting her weight when something sharp pierces through the knee of her pantyhose. She hisses in pain, and Charity looks up to her with a start, as if only now registering her presence. Vanessa catches her eyes for a moment, and then follows Charity’s gaze down her arms. It’s only then that she sees the blood covering Charity’s hands that hang limply in her lap.

 

“Charity? What – “

 

She reaches for Charity’s hands, and in the same moment realises the carpet is covered in tiny, sharp shards like the one she must’ve almost cut herself on.

 

“Broke the flamin’ glass didn’t I? Just like I break everythin else, eh?” Charity’s words come out in a drunken slur as she looks up at Vanessa, eyes unfocused. Vanessa swallows hard, closing her hands gently over Charity’s.

 

“Give me a second.”

 

It doesn’t take her long to find tissues in the kitchen cupboard and she’s back by Charity’s side, pressing a couple of them over the warm blood that covers most of her left hand. After a moment of fussing, she’s sorted out the small cuts that run down Charity’s middle and ring finger, covering them with Johnny’s Paw Patrol bandages she’s gotten into the habit of carrying with wherever she goes.

 

“C’mon, let’s get you up to bed,” Vanessa says, moving her hands up Charity’s arms and dragging her up from the floor, carefully steering her away from the broken bits of glass. Once they’re on their feet, Charity stumbles, almost tipping over before Vanessa catches her by the waist and arm. She shifts so she’s half walking, half carrying Charity toward the stairs. By no small miracle they make it into Charity’s bedroom, where Charity plonks herself on the bed, as Vanessa turns to ransack through the bedside cabinet. When she turns back around with the wet wipes, she finds Charity frozen where she left her, staring off into space. She lays her free hand on Charity’s shoulder, and the eyes that lift up to meet hers make her heart ache in a way she’s never felt in her life.

 

“I’ve really mucked it up, haven’t I? They’re – they’re never going to believe me over Bails and perfect, innocent Chloe, a-are they?” Charity’s voice is raw, thick with alcohol and tears, and all Vanessa can do is pull her into her arms, sinking her fingers into soft, golden hair, slowly running them over Charity’s scalp in a soothing caress.

 

“We don’t know that,” she whispers into Charity’s temple, pressing a gentle kiss there before she moves back and pulls out a wipe from the packet, slowly and meticulously wiping away what remains of Charity’s smudged make up. Charity’s eyes won’t leave hers, as she sits, mesmerised by the softness in her eyes, the way they both gaze at each other as Vanessa gently works to erase the remains of this horrid, endless day. When she finally sets the wipes down, Charity’s stopped crying, her muscles becoming lazy with impending sleep. She’s awake still though, and when Vanessa goes to undo the bed, she grabs her by the wrist with surprising agility.

 

“Wait, I –“

 

Vanessa’s tugged backwards, back into her spot between Charity’s legs, and she smiles when Charity leans up and brings their lips together in a soft kiss. When they part, Charity keeps her close, their foreheads together, her breathing mingling with Vanessa’s.

 

“Thank you,” Charity breathes against her lips, and Vanessa has to use every ounce of strength she has left not to burst into tears. Instead, she marries their lips again, trying to make Charity feel the words she wants to let spill from her lips, but knows she can’t, not now. She makes the kiss a promise, a vow, the reassurance Charity needs that no one can truly give her until the verdict is out.

 

Vanessa pulls back then, brushing a hand down Charity’s cheek, before moving from her embrace to help her between the covers. She wraps the duvet around Charity, making sure she’s safe and sound, even if she knows Charity’s fast asleep the second her head hits the pillows.

 

She presses a kiss against Charity’s forehead, promising she’ll be back in a second. She’s not going anywhere. She clicks off the bedside lamp and tiptoes downstairs to clean up the broken glass that still reeks of lemon and vodka.


End file.
